Turning

The last few months have left me peaceful.  More peaceful than I have been since the stroke. 

It was not an easy journey. 

I had to increase my meds; I joined a group of “transitioning” senior citizens for intensive/immersive outpatient therapy, (although I’m not a senior citizen).  I did three weeks with the group.  Ashley and I took a much-needed vacation for 16 days and I was able to go to Ann Arbor/Detroit for a week of old friends and lots of talking. 

The drug increase helped immensely.  The group got me out of the house and made me realize how much I miss my extroverted self.  And the vacation, well, who doesn’t need time with loved ones?

I started asking people for dinner, meetings, and coffee.  It feels good.

The glimpses of my old self are now more apparent to me. 

I still fall head over heels if I try to look at something while I’m walking.  I still feel like my right arm is not mine.  I still hold my knife upside down.  And when I’m tired or overwhelmed, I can’t come up with words or responses.  And I still get surprised when I find food on my plate when I think I am finished eating.

I do not know if I’ll ever truly accept the changes to my mind and body and life.  But I do know I have to move on.  I must start my life again.