Vibration

So, last week after I posted my last piece, I asked Ashley what she thought.  She said, “You’re depressed”.  She wasn’t wrong.

When it comes to self-care, I forget, that there are two types of self-care in my world, self-soothing, and God-soothing.  Prior to that last post, I had been doing a lot of self-soothing.  Not eating right, not sleeping well, not exercising, over-spending, gambling, playing unhelpful games on my iPad.  These do not soothe me, they allow me to escape, and it usually ends in hopelessness. 

God-soothing activities are connecting with God, treating my body right by exercising, sleeping, and eating right.  Giving my brain something good to read, taking care of my house and my wife.   Playing drums, dancing around the house, crafting (I make bracelets and belts out of paracord), I started doing this post-stroke—something for my brain and my weak right hand. 

I forget to do all these God-soothing things.  It takes more time to achieve the calming I desire and I allow this escapism to take over by doing self-soothing things that do nothing for my head and recovery except take me down a bad road.  I used to say, “My head is like a bad neighborhood, I shouldn’t go in alone.”, apparently that is still the care.

This week, I talk with Ashley about our summer plans, plans that were going in an anxiety-provoking way, which had been on my mind, I read a book, and I’ve stopped trying to escape much of the day.  I feel better.  I feel human again. 

When I was living in Alaska, they have 3,000 earthquakes a year, when one doesn’t happen for a week or two it’s unsettling, you long for that shift.  I found it really affected me, my mood, everything.  One day I was being checked in the Johns Hopkins Weinberg Center and while I was up by the nurses station checking in, we had an earthquake!  Quite rare for the mid-Atlantic region. 

I checked in with something I’d been in many times before with.  Usually, it took five to seven days for the four to six treatments to take place and for me to start producing platelets on my own.  That visit only took three days!  It was amazing!  And I owe it to that earthquake. 

This brings me to the last God-soothing activity I do.  While I read, I put in my AirPods and find a vibrational YouTube video that will play for hours.  So while I’m reading I’m getting my vibrational level adjusted to where it needs to be. 

So, note to self, choose God-soothing activities.