Messes

Another side effect of the stroke for me is right arm and hand weakness.  It’s not terrible. I’m right-handed, and since the stroke my left-hand functions better than my right, but the right is still my go-to.  This is not tragic.  It is what it is.  But coupled with the right-sided visual impairment, it’s totally weird. 

Have you ever watched bodycam footage of a police officer?  Occasionally when they are walking and the camera is on, it doesn’t look like their arms.  It looks artificial like it doesn’t belong on the body.  I know – sounds crazy.  But that’s what I see when I see my right arm. 

It doesn’t help that my brain has issues as well.  The combination can be…messy.  The other day I was having breakfast of a banana and peanut butter.  Simple.  I have the peanut butter on my little plate with the banana slices; before picking it up, I think to myself, “there’s peanut butter on the plate, make sure you don’t pick it up on that side.”  This is not happening quickly, figuring this out, it’s deliberate.  I walk over to grab a fork and napkin, I look at the plate and think, “there’s something about this plate, I was just dealing with this a second ago.” I can’t bring up the previous plan of attack, I decide I’ll think about it while I eat.  I grab the plate and put my thumb right in the peanut butter. 

Of course, this is when I recalled the deal with the plate. 

This weakness coupled with the sight issue also affects my playing drums. I can’t say how many times I’ve hit myself in the face with a drum stick, as time at the drums gets more routine, it happens less. But I think I forget about my arm, out of sight out of mind.

Life post-stroke gets messy, riddled with self-inflicted injuries, many embarrassing moments. Like the time I had on my Michigan gym shorts, I can’t remember where we were but it was in public. I looked down and was horrified to not see “Michigan” on my shorts right leg; “Oh my God! My shorts are on backward!” Ashley says, “Well, I figured it was too late to say something, so I didn’t.” I said, “It’s okay sweetie, I guess this is what the white cane is for.”

We had a good laugh over that, as well as many other mishaps.

As long as I can keep laughing at myself, I can live with the messes.