Resilience

I’ve been thing a lot about resilience lately. Most people who have lived life are resilient. We’ve been through life changes, lost people, gone through illnesses, had our hearts broken.

While watching a TED talk about resilience, the speaker talks about the three things resilient people have in common. One, the recognition that life happens, these things are part of it. Two, accepting things as they as they are, knowing there’s no way to bring someone back. And, three, having a purpose to keep us going, people to care for, jobs to get back to, passions to continue exploring.

This road to recovery from stroke is baffling. When I was in the hospital, I was told that I would see great improvement in the first six months, and little progress after a year. Of course, I thought, challenge accepted.

Reading is what keeps my brain working. If I don’t read, I have to start looking up words, letter recognition is more prominent and having to re-read sentences to understand them. Since July of 2022 I’ve read nearly two-hundred books. But this doesn’t give me a purpose.

The recent loss of three dear friends has left me feeling little resilience. My confidants have gone, unfortunately, within three months of each other. And my reserves were low before that. My brain is tired, feels like it did at the beginning of this journey, a bit slow, disorganized, low stress tolerance, and very little bandwidth.

I’m very blessed in this life of mine. Living in Atlanta is hard, especially if you are a pedestrian. I’ve never really had enough time to know the city well, before the stroke. But I do know Washington DC and the public transportation is great, and pedestrians are plentiful, I feel safe there. So, my wife and I are able to have a little place there. I feel more independent when I’m here, able to do my own errands, grocery shopping.

So, I’m currently in DC and I’m feeling paralyzed. That, feet nailed to the ground feeling. I did go to the grocery yesterday to get a few things I needed, but I got things that don’t amount to much. Like I can’t make anything with what I bought, so I had cereal for dinner last night. My brain isn’t working well, my resilience is down.

It’s down because I have not found number three in the resilience trifecta. The purpose.

I’ll keep looking for it. I’ll keep reading. I’ll also remember my purpose in regard to my relationships with Ashley, my family, my remaining friends. The love I have in my life, which is plentiful.