Stress

Recently, I was watching a television series.  At some point in the story, suddenly it was like I was watching “A Few Good Men”, the dialog was nearly word for word when Tom Cruz has Jack Nicholson on the stand.  “You can’t possibly fathom…”.  This irritated me.  I had no idea why, it just did.

I’ve been taking anti-rejection drugs for years, I use to tell my doctor, “I don’t think they’re working; I’m still feeling rejected.  I guess now, I’ll have to say ‘dejected’. 

I’ve always been a fairly laid-back person.  Good in a crisis, levelheaded in the midst of chaos.  I asked Ashley what she thought of this, my being irritated at such a ridiculous issue.  She said it’s about stress tolerance. 

She said I don’t have the same capacity as I use to.  That it takes much more energy to live with this new brain post-stroke.

She’s right.  Everything is harder.  Taking a walk; cooking dinner; cleaning the house; talking to someone who didn’t know me before the stroke.  All of it is difficult, but that last one is huge for me.  Talking with strangers. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this new brain.  It seems I’m focusing on one issue and another rears its ugly head.  Like Whack-o-mole. 

Being aware is half of the problem.  Now that I know the why of it, I can catch myself while it’s happening and figure out a strategy. 

I need to be more patient with myself.  Cut myself some slack.  Approach myself as I would a friend going through this post-stroke life.  What would I say to her?  What can I do to make her more comfortable?  How can I tell her it’s all going to be okay? What can I do to let her know she is loved?

Tolerance.